


Is this the right place for me?

by jperalta



Category: Marvel
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 10:21:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18963307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jperalta/pseuds/jperalta
Summary: *ENDGAME SPOILERS WITHIN!*People are talking about something in class and it makes Peter very upset.





	Is this the right place for me?

“I heard he didn’t care anymore - that he just gave up.”

“No, that’s not true. He must have just been stupid or gotten in the way or something.

“You always think you know everything. You’re such as ass.”

“I’m just saying! I’m sure it was just a mistake. Like he tripped and blew up or something.”

Peter’s head was about to explode. For what felt like the millionth time that day, all he could hear was everyone talking about how Tony had died, and talking about him as if he was just some side character in a video game. Hadn’t everyone been through so much? How was everyone just acting so casual about everything? He didn’t understand. He started to sense a ringing in his ears and it felt like electricity was coursing through his brain. He was feeling dizzy and a little nauseous.

“Guys, shut up. That’s so fucked up for you to say shit like that.” MJ was trying to talk over everyone, but her voice was getting drowned out with all the yelling. 

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on just not passing out, but everything sounded so loud. God, it felt like there must have been a thousand people crowding around him, just screaming into his ears about Tony Stark. He grabbed at the hair on the sides of his head and balled up his hands into fists. Why wouldn’t they be quiet? Why did it feel like everyone was screaming or laughing? He felt like he was going to vomit. He had to get out of there. 

He stood up to run into the hallway and as he left he heard a deep voice call after him. He knew he shouldn’t just walk out of class but in that moment he didn’t feel as though he really had a choice. He nearly tripped as he fell out into the hall, constantly leaning on the wall for support as he found a nook with a bench. His whole body fell into it as though he had suddenly lost all control in his body. 

When he sat down he still felt as though he could hear everyone screaming. All he could hear was Tony’s name over and over again. All he could see in his mind were his eyes fading away. He let out a small sob but pursed his lips together to try not to make any more sound.

His fingers were twitching so badly and he didn’t know what to do. His hands were still in fists and he decided to squeeze harder in a way where his fingernail on his middle finger was digging into his palm. He squeezed ever harder. God, it all felt so terrible. He’d give anything in the world to take these thoughts out of his head. He’d easily give his life.

“Peter?”

He gasped for air as he opened his eyes and saw MJ in front of him, staring downwards. He followed her gaze and saw a small red line running down his palm. He quickly pulled his sleeve up to his fingers before turning his head away from MJ’s. He felt so ashamed and wished she would just walk away.

Instead, she sat down next to him on the bench and let out a large sigh. “I’m sorry, those guys are assholes.” Peter said nothing. “I mean, they don’t understand what happened, and they’re probably scared. A lot of people are.”

He found himself nodding. “I just can’t handle it,” he whispered. “I can’t deal with any of it.”

“That’s okay,” she said calmly. “It’ll take - different amounts of time for different people, and everyone has their own ways of coping - whether it’s dark humor or a game or something else.”

He stared at his sleeve and didn’t know what to say. “I’m… sorry you saw that,” he said with a shaky voice. 

“I’ve seen worse.” He looked up at her but she just stared blankly at the tile. “Like I said, everyone has their own ways of coping.”

He let out a breath. He felt less crazy. His heartbeat had started to slow again and he didn’t feel as agitated. “It’s just all so messed up,” he said hopelessly.

“I know,” MJ replied, “but it won’t be forever.”

“It feels like it.”

“I know.”

They sat together on the bench in silence until the bell rang.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Never Content" by Adventure Galley


End file.
